Friday 20 September 2019

Empowering men!

I was raised in an environment where we didn't really know what gender bias was. If a boy in the house got grounded so did a girl. If a boy was climbing trees and playing football, so were the girls, if the boy was in the kitchen, so was the girl. 

The difference between what a girl/boy is supposed to do/behave "in a society" became clear only when i left the smaller town of Belgaum and moved to the cosmo-city of Pune. Moving to a cosmo, i realised how regressive we are as a society. In the hostel of 150 girls from different sections of the society, different upbringing, different cultures, I realised that i was raised in a, now evident, progressive environment. Of course it was difficult coping with the standards of behaviour defined by the society vs what i had grown-up to. I failed miserably. 

I would never understand what it meant when people told me you are a girl, this is what you do and this is how you behave. I am not sure if i can explain what went on in my mind at such moments. 

After a lot of self-doubting, i realised that men were never told what to do and how to behave. It was assumed that they will behave in a certain way. Even if it were inappropriate, they were protected by the men and women around them by saying all men are the same, you cannot do anything about it. It enraged me that the boys got away with expressing exactly what they felt whereas the baton of responsible communication was placed with the girls. I drowned in gloominess, and brooded for hours over these feelings of injustice. To add to my reflections, there were the "women empowerment" slogans and "women's days" which were followed with much gusto and year-long enthusiasm crammed in one day of pampering, and circulating time-consuming messages and linguistically awkward poems. I asked myself what i felt about one such day where the men painstakingly put together an event for the women. I asked myself this because the significance of these celebrations didn't quite sink in. The dumb husband-wife jokes still continued, the men still felt that women cannot drive, and that making a grocery list was still a girl's job; the women still felt that men should hold the door for them, women still felt that sports and politics are "a man's world", society still looked down upon a girl's bra strap showing while the men got away with scratching their crotch in public. 

From my experiences, endless debates, and deliberations with self, i would like to share these thoughts:

1. I feel men are equally capable of doing what women can do and be at par with women
2. If the society (and the mother!) chooses, men too will grow up to be strong physically, mentally, and emotionally
3. Patriarchy is tough on men too! It puts pressure on them to always be the tough guy and not give to feelings and emotions. EVER.

Patriarchy has conditioned men to study, grow-up, and only become a successful breadwinner for the family; while leaving the most important jobs like, the well-being of the family, to the woman. I feel men too can be wise enough to take care of the family and raise their children to be good human beings. Men can be doting fathers who can look after the child's nutrition, homework, school schedules, and PTA meetings, or cook a decent meal for their family. Why do all chores have to be compartmentalised and water-tight?

They just need a chance to show they are good enough to protect themselves and take responsibility for their actions and need not hide behind the excuse of patriarchy and age-old traditions prevalent in the society. If a woman can work and look after the family, so can a man! Enough of women empowerment", it was always the men who needed to be empowered! Let's give men a chance...

Over.and.out.

P.S: there is no sarcasm or cynicism of any sort in what I have written. I truly believe this makes complete sense. 

5 comments:

  1. Take a bow girl. I agree to each and every word. It's society who mold men in a certain way. They are also capable of much more!

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  3. I agree there's a need for more 'readied' men in today's urban Indian context and probably also in the rural. It's possible if we have more mom's around who feel that there is such a need indeed!

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  4. Such a thought provoking blog! Left me pondering over so many aspects.

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    1. thank you! i hope we can influence more people to challenge the status quo...!

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